I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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