In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
