I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
