White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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