what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
