thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
