My room smells like vodka and shame
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
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Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
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he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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