WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
MIDGETS
????
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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