The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
