i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
