When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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