Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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