Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
