I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
