This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
