No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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