dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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