Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
