dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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