listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
