her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
