Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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