So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
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