I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
