you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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