I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
