your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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