Well douche your snatch and let's go!
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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