Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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