planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
