listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I just blew my weed a kiss
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.