Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(312): View more from Illinois

You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.

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(312): You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today. http://tfl.nu/8lzo

Replies (4) Good night (3062) Bad night (844)
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(613): View more from Ontario

Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.

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(613): Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night. http://tfl.nu/w938

Replies (14) Good night (1016) Bad night (3766)
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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.

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(920): Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with. http://tfl.nu/j9qw

Replies (22) Good night (5186) Bad night (1306)
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(250): View more from British Columbia

Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"

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(250): Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole" http://tfl.nu/hdok

Replies (11) Good night (1406) Bad night (2811)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.

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(978): I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far. http://tfl.nu/izah

Replies (7) Good night (882) Bad night (3496)
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(313): View more from Michigan

She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.

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(313): She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list. http://tfl.nu/ifsp

Replies (20) Good night (8151) Bad night (1225)
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(619): View more from California

Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.

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(619): Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer. http://tfl.nu/flbo

Replies (17) Good night (2560) Bad night (1187)
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(315): View more from New York

Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.

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(315): Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife. http://tfl.nu/jnj1

Replies (7) Good night (3151) Bad night (921)
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(212): View more from New York

The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane

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(212): The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane http://tfl.nu/6wh0

Replies (7) Good night (2153) Bad night (1026)
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(925): View more from California

Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?

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(925): Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm? http://tfl.nu/b5qs

Replies (10) Good night (1739) Bad night (656)
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(423): View more from Tennessee

So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now

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(423): So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now http://tfl.nu/44f0

Replies (13) Good night (563) Bad night (1224)
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(309): View more from Illinois

yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester

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(309): yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester http://tfl.nu/2w28

Replies (2) Good night (572) Bad night (1089)
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(630): View more from Illinois

We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning

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(630): We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning http://tfl.nu/kk2v

Replies (6) Good night (1337) Bad night (544)
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(314): View more from Missouri

That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.

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(314): That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend. http://tfl.nu/0h6i

Replies (2) Good night (276) Bad night (718)
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(310): View more from California

I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.

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(310): I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends. http://tfl.nu/6v2p

Replies (6) Good night (349) Bad night (363)

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