i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to