saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
