lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
