Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
