Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
