Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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