you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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