living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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