Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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