i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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