Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
