Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
