watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
