Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Randomize
