...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
