i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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