Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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