member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
