I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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