had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
