He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
