Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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