I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
