Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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