Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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