You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
