8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
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I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
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He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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