i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
