Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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