My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
