Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
