At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
