It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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