please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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