I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
