you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
you will always have a special place in my vag
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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