every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
