my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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