How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It's shark week go big or go home
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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