Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize